The Excuse Encyclopedia
The Excuse Encyclopedia (Books 1 – 12)
Get ready to laugh-out-loud and learn-oh-so-much. With over 740 excuses and cartoons inside, this book is essential reading for kids.
7.99
The Excuse Encyclopedia
49 Excuses for Bagging More Candy at Halloween (Book 12)
Was your candy bag only half full on Halloween last year? . . . Does your sweet vampire tooth come out on a full moon? . . . Need some inspiration for a spooky costume that’ll put a smile on everyone’s face (and your belly too)? . . . Then here’s 49 (extremely silly) excuses for bagging more candy at Halloween!
1.99
The Excuse Encyclopedia
49 Excuses for Extending Your Summer Holiday (Book 11)
Who doesn’t enjoys having six weeks off school? . . . Do you have some extremely important unfinished business to attend to before school begins again for another mind-numbing year? . . . Put your hand up if you do not want the summer holidays to end? . . . Then here’s 49 (extremely silly) excuses for extending the summer holiday!
1.99
The Excuse Encyclopedia
49 Excuses for Getting the Most Out of Christmas (Book 10)
Would you like to eat chocolate for breakfast on Christmas Day morning? . . . Do your parents enforce the ‘no presents before 7am’ rule? . . . Struggling to find new ways to hide your brussels sprouts? . . . Then here’s 49 (extremely silly) excuses for getting the most out of Christmas!
1.99
The Excuse Encyclopedia
49 Excuses for Not Doing Your Chores (Book 9)
Does doing your weekly chores make your stomach churn and your nostils burn? . . . Are your parents constantly chewing your ear off to vacuum the spare room? . . . Is your playstation going to play itself? . . . Then here’s 49 (extremely silly) excuses for not doing your chores!
1.99
About
James Warwood
James Warwood is not the CEO of a toilet paper company who, if paid one million pounds, would mummify your least favourite teacher (but if you have a spare million he’d give it a good try). He lives in the Welsh Border with his wife, two sons and carnivorous plant. James writes and illustrates children’s books. He hopes you approve of this.
My Latest
Books
The Excuse Encyclopedia
The Excuse Encyclopedia (Books 1 – 12)
Get ready to laugh-out-loud and learn-oh-so-much. With over 740 excuses and cartoons inside, this book is essential reading for kids.
7.99
The Excuse Encyclopedia
49 Excuses for Bagging More Candy at Halloween (Book 12)
Was your candy bag only half full on Halloween last year? . . . Does your sweet vampire tooth come out on a full moon? . . . Need some inspiration for a spooky costume that’ll put a smile on everyone’s face (and your belly too)? . . . Then here’s 49 (extremely silly) excuses for bagging more candy at Halloween!
1.99
The Excuse Encyclopedia
49 Excuses for Extending Your Summer Holiday (Book 11)
Who doesn’t enjoys having six weeks off school? . . . Do you have some extremely important unfinished business to attend to before school begins again for another mind-numbing year? . . . Put your hand up if you do not want the summer holidays to end? . . . Then here’s 49 (extremely silly) excuses for extending the summer holiday!
1.99
The Excuse Encyclopedia
49 Excuses for Getting the Most Out of Christmas (Book 10)
Would you like to eat chocolate for breakfast on Christmas Day morning? . . . Do your parents enforce the ‘no presents before 7am’ rule? . . . Struggling to find new ways to hide your brussels sprouts? . . . Then here’s 49 (extremely silly) excuses for getting the most out of Christmas!
1.99
The Excuse Encyclopedia
49 Excuses for Not Doing Your Chores (Book 9)
Does doing your weekly chores make your stomach churn and your nostils burn? . . . Are your parents constantly chewing your ear off to vacuum the spare room? . . . Is your playstation going to play itself? . . . Then here’s 49 (extremely silly) excuses for not doing your chores!
1.99
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[Excuse for not eating vegetables, which could backfire . . . very badly]
[Excuse for being late, but requires swimming gear!]
[Excuse for for staying up late and also getting a hot chocolate at the same time]
[Annoying question to ask any adult who also owns a smartphone]
[Way to get a cookie . . . as long as you have good negotiation skills]
[Excuse for not eating your veggies, which could backfire, but would be hilarious none-the-less]
[Way to make anything in your life better in every way]
[Excuse to get time off school for Christmas Shopping]
[Excuse for not eating your green, and eating chocolate cake instead]
[Excuse for getting what you want at Halloween] SPOOKY NEWS: My book ‘49 Excuses for Bagging More Candy at Halloween‘ is FREE from Friday 23rd to Monday 26th October 2020. Halloween 2020 has all the ingredients to be best (or the worst) […]
[Excuse for being late to school . . . for a whole year]
Here in the UK, we’ve all got the same strange feeling of deja vu. Coronavirus Lockdown Season 2 started last Tuesday and so far episode 1 was very familiar to episode 1 of the first season. But I’m determined not to let […]
[Excuse for getting out of P.E. by simply lift up your arm]
[Excuse for getting your parents to bake cookies for you]
Right now parents need all the help they can get! Let me set the scene: Coronavirus (or COVID-19) has become a global pandemic. Schools all over the world have closed until summer. The goblins (sometimes referred to as ‘our delightful kids’) have […]
Well, it’s official. The UK Government has upgraded the Coronavirus warning level from “slightly miffed” to “oh, bugger”, and now we’re all are pretty much stuck inside for the foreseeable future. (But, one nice silver-lining for me, my extremely organised wife has […]
[Excuse for getting out of cricket / rugby / football / hockey / netball in the freeze-your-nuts-off cold weather]
So, your little munchkin has munched through all seven Harry Potter books in record time and their hands are now empty. But what should they read next to keep the reading (and peaceful bliss) going on and on? It’s a question that […]
[Annoying Question to ask, well, anyone you need to get some dirt on]
[Excuse for not doing your Homework… and also also not going back to school… ever!]
It only took twenty-three pieces of paper, an unprecedented amount of caffeinated drinks and around one and a half weeks, but I’ve finally finished the front cover The book is about a village called Sandwich where nothing ever happens . . . […]
Lately, I’ve been making small environmental changes – silicone lids to replace cellophane, soap nuts to replace washing powder, switching to a renewable energy provider. My wife and I even decided to use cloth nappies and reusable baby wipes (which are brilliant […]
With Christmas around the corner, all us parents are looking for solid gold reading material to put in our kid’s stocking. Something that will capture their imaginations and broaden their minds (and maybe stop them from looking at a screen for least […]
[Excuse for scaring the living daylights out of your neighbours at Halloween]
If Christmas is a time for ‘sharing with your kids’, then Halloween is a time for ‘scarying the living daylights out of your kids’. But let’s not forget, kids love being scared just as much as adults. Ghost trains, haunted houses, Goosebumps […]
So then, what can I tell you about the twelfth book in my cartoon series: There’s a zombie hamster inside It’s been super fun to draw loads of scary, spooky stuff in this Halloween themed book Make sure you’ve got candy / […]
[Excuse for never going back to school EVER again]
One of my favourite films, when I was growing up, was Dragonheart. (It’s the one with Sean Connolly playing a dragon with a Scottish accent). It introduced me to a fantasy world where you could become friends with a mythical beast that […]
[Excuse for not going back to school after the summer holidays]
Hello, and BOO! Book Twelve in my cartoon excuse series is going to be covered in cobwebs and brewed in a witches cauldron. That’s right, I’m going to take on Halloween. Spiders, vampires, more candy you can shake a broomstick at, werewolves, […]
[Excuse for encouraging kids to read more]
I’m currently working on a brand new middle-grade series. I’m one and a half books in and planning to wait until I have the first three written before I publish them in one go. [Addition 27/11/2019: turns out book two was impossible […]
[Excuse for encouraging kids to read more]
[Excuse for making your Summer Holiday last longer]
[Excuse for getting a brand new non-human teacher]
Let’s be honest . . . kids LOVE gross stuff, and they also love reading about gross stuff. Purple gunge, fish guts, gooey boogies, stinky socks, monkey poop, and, let us not forget the cornerstone of all kid humour, fart jokes. Every […]
[Excuse for Staying Up Past Your Bedtime]
[Excuse for Noting Eating Your Vegetables]
I’m excited to announce that two of my books are available for FREE, alongside another 19 free children’s books, in the . . . Big Summer Holiday Children’s Book Giveaway 49 Excuses for Not Tidying Your Bedroom and my latest children’s humourous […]
“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of places if only one remembers to smoke 6 cigars and drink 2 bottles of champagne a day.” – Albus Churchill (or Winston Dumbledore, I can’t remember)
My name is Mr Diego Tushman . . . you bullied my pupil . . . prepare to be expelled.
Other names Luke Skywalker now uses for lightsabers: Pokey Stick Hand Slicer of Doom Rancor Toothpick I don’t care, I drink green milk now
New body scanners have been introduced after man shaves his moustache.
You change the lightbulb . . . no YOU change the lightbulb . . . no you do it . . . no you . . . you! . . . you!!
These birds are cheeky. For example, many people don’t realise they exist and yet this bird is the tastiest thing to eat on God’s green earth. They are also far more intelligent than humans and are now thriving across the entire globe […]
Warning: do not try if scared of heights, or smelly shoes. And remember, you can grab a free copy of ’49 Ways to Steal the Cookie Jar’ by signing up to my mailing list below.
Get more tidying your bedroom excuses. You can also enter my Goodreads Giveaway to win one of twelve copies of my new book – ‘The Boy Who Stole One Million Socks’.
This one’s more of a contingency plan – if the excuse doesn’t work then here’s your silver bullet! Save
Here it is . . . sample chapters (the first and second) from my new book – The Boy Who Stole One Million Socks. Release date: 05/07/2017 Amazon, iBooks, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Smashwords CHAPTER ONE: AN UNEXPECTED OBJECT There was a […]
A wonderful excuse which can be used for many occasions, such as: tidying your bedroom, doing your homework, or even picking up all your Lego before Sunday dinner including the ones under the sofa. . . . and for those who don’t […]
POOPER SCOOPER!?! Still want to be Bell when yuo grow up?
ISBN: 978-1-5213-8224-0 Published: 6th July 2017 Ebook: £2.99 / $3.99 Paperback: £7.99 / $9.95 Mark your calendars! My next book – The Boy Who Stole One Million Socks – is on sale and available to pre-order now. So, what can I tell […]
I’ve been to Mexico and I can tell you that the Mexican coastline is awash with refugee socks from European lands fleeing their (somewhat stinky) slave masters.
I love wearing odd socks! In fact, I happen to think nobody needs an excuse to wear mis-matching socks because who has the time to find matching socks in the morning? But, if you must have one, then simply call yourself an […]
If you are willing to get your hands dirty then I recommend trying this with cauliflower cheese. More vegetables. Save
Everyone needs an excuse for when your dinner plate has more veg than meat. And sometimes nature will give you a helping hand and grow that excuse on the inside of your cheek. More vegetables here.
Here’s another vegetable excuse. I’ve now done 8 books in the 49… Series (I know, that’s a lot of excuses). You can your copy of 49 Excuses for Not Eating Your Vegetables now. I think you’ll like it. And remember, please do […]
Happy Easter everyone! . . . and I can confirm that the Easter Bunny has decided to stick with the day job because, as you’ve discovered, no one can hide chocolate eggs better.
I know, this one is a little disturbing! (You’ll never look at an Easter Egg the same way again).
I’m pleased to announce another book in the 49… Series is now out and available to buy. Here’s some facts about the book: It’s green. It contains a piece of broccoli wearing earphones, a snail police chase, and a frog with a […]
Happy Easter! I know it’s early to mention it, but I don’t care. Plus, my new book is out today (so two things I’ll being celebrate later by eating loads of chocolate).
Mexico Border: Oy, China. Can we join the wall club?
It’s almost here, just one more week to go! 49 Excuses for Not Eating Your Vegetables has so far enjoyed a success launch. You can get your copy from the following stores: AMAZON / iBOOKS / NOOK / KOBO / SMASHWORDS Thanks […]
The release date for my new book is in two weeks. You can see more vegetable excuses here and check out the book here (and if you haven’t nabbed your free book click here). Save
Oy, Simba. You’re not in this film.
I’ve got a new ebook coming out soon called 49 Excuses for Not Eating Your Vegetables. To celebrate my new release I’ll be sending weekly excuses emails helping everyone avoid the dreaded brocoli (I actually really like the green stuff, but I’m […]
Day After the Millennium Falcon New Year Party . . . “Chewie, we’ve got a rogue one.”
In the Doctor Strains Waiting Room . . . “I’ll just be another minute, Mr Smith.”
Am I running late? Have you seen the time? JUMPING JELLYBEANS! That can’t be right?! How did the clock jump forward so quickly?!? But I don’t even have any good excuses for being late (well, unless you carry on reading). Don’t panic. […]
I’m proud to announce my cartoon eBook series – The 49 Seires – have been re-covered and given a brand new design. And if you’ve got an eye for detail you’ll also notice another book has appeared in the line up called […]
Cookies are the answer to everlasting happiness. Think about it . . . have you ever seen someone crying and eating a cookie at the same time? No, of course you haven’t. That’s because it’s impossible to be unhappy with a cookie […]
I am starting a new series of cartoons called ‘The Dyslexic Dictionary’. I’m mildly dyslexic (according to Chester University). I spend most of my life writing/typing words, then staring at them thinking to myself – hang on a second, is that really […]
Bedtime is fast approaching (go on, check your clock). Yes, sleep is important, but so is discovering what is on TV after dark, or reading another chapter of your book, or spying on your older sister . . . because we all […]
I’ve been hard at work doing the illustrations for Bunny Terror (working title). I’m really happy with them so far and I hope you enjoy this sneak peak. You can find most of them on Behance (but I decided to leave out […]
‘Cleaning’ is a dirty word, wouldn’t you agree? We all dread those five parental words – “time to tidy your bedroom.” (I can tell reading that gave you the chills.) But don’t despair, you’ve found help. It is my strong belief that you […]
Okay, so I’ve been working hard to illustrate my next childrens book Bunny Terror. Most weekends have begun with picking up a pencil and finished with brushing off the rubber dust. Even managed to finish a sketch pad. Anyway thought I’d share […]
I drew this cartoon for Halloween ages ago! Then forgot about it until today. . . the day after Halloween. . . so I could either wait for another 360 days or post it a day late (hope you agree I made […]
Answer… yes, I do have a pre-order for you (and this one is green). Introducing the latest ebook in the 49… Series – ’49 Excuses for Skipping Gym Class’ (get your copy from the following stores: Amazon, iBooks, Kobo, B&N, & Smashwords). […]
I’ve always loved this quote and have always thought to myself it deserves a cartoon, so I drew one… and boy did I love drawing a dead cat! Keep your eyes peeled for my next book, available for pre-order from here, here, […]
This is what half my next book currently looks like. 24 cartoons down, 25 to go… (also realised there are only 8 pages left in my sketchpad so I better get myself new on pronto). I’ve been working hard to get the […]
In the past year I’ve been luck enough to visit three whiskey distillaries in three different countries: Glenkinchie Distillary (Edinburgh, Scotland), Jameson’s Old Distillary (Dublin, Ireland), and Pendryn Distillary (Pendryn, South Wales). The word ‘whiskey’ comes from the old Gaelic term ‘uisge […]
Release Date: 03/07/2015 Available from the following stores: Amazon, Kobo, iTunes, B&N, Smashwords As of today I am putting my feet up and then keeping them there for a substantial amount of time. The 4th book in the 49… Series has been […]
We’re getting closer and closer to the 4th book in the 49… Series (2 days to be exact). I think this sneak peak is the best one that I’ve shared so far, and could be described as the silliest too: Get your […]
With the release date creeping closer and closer I can hardly contain my excitment… or these tiny little teeth. I estimate there are around 200 teeth in this drawing for my new book – 49 Questions to Annoy Your Parents, which everyone […]
It’s now one week to the release date for my next cartoon eBook – 49 Questions to Annoy Your Parents. That’s worth another sneak peak at what’s inside, don’t ya think!
Happy Tuesday… here’s a new sneak peak from 49 Questions to Annoy Your Parents… enjoy. You can pre-order your copy now from Amazon or Kobo or iBooks or Smashwords.
Here’s the first of a few ‘sneaks peaks’ I am happy to share with you from my next cartoon eBook in the 49… Series – 49 Questions to Annoy Your Parents. Available for pre-order from Amazon and Kobo and also Smashwords.
Another book has appeared… and this one is purple. ’49 Questions to Annoy Your Parents’ has finally arrived and is available for pre-order today now from Amazon & Kobo (so far, iTunes, Smashwords and Nook to follow). By now most people probably […]
It may seem like progress has been slow over the winter period, and I am willing to accept this statement (with a clenched jaw and a healthy collection of excuses). So I am hoping that using the Star Wars font in my graphic will make […]
I recently discovered ‘Dragons at Crumbling Castle’ by Terry Pratchett and decided I had to read it, straight away. So I ditched whatever it was I reading at the time and read this instead. Back in the 60’s, when the Discworld was nothing but […]
I’m feeling festive. It might be because of all the minces pies I’ve been eating at work, or perhaps it’s those silly Christmas jumpers that have sprouted up all over the place, or maybe it was this cartoon: So in the spirit […]
Release Date: 30/10/2014 ISBN: 9781310954818 Available from the following stores: Amazon, Kobo, B&N, iTunes, Smashwords, and Scribd. Today I am one proud little author (see drawing above). My latest eBook in the 49… Series has gone on sale today. Here’s just a […]
New cartoon… enjoy (last day to pre-order the eBook – 49 Excuses for Not Doing Your Homework). Thanks to everyone whose bought my eBook so far.
New cartoon from ’49 Excuses for Not Doing Your Homework’. This one would take exceptional dedication… and if it’s anyone’s birthday, Happy Birthday from me!
Another new cartoon from my latest eBook in the 49… Series. Not as cheeky as the last one but just as much fun to draw! More to come before the release date.
…it’s now 4 days until my new cartoon eBook called ’49 Excuses for Not Doing Your Homework’ is released. Pre-order today from here, here, here, or here! (Or if you’d prefer to nab yourself a free copy in return for an honest review […]
New cartoon from ’49 Excuses for Not Doing Your Homework’. Available for pre-order from most respectable websites (Amazon, Kobo, Smashwords, and iTunes).
New cartoon entry… possibly my favourite from my new eBook. Hope you enjoy it (because there’s plenty more where this came from!)
I’ve decided to share some sneak peaks before ’49 Excuses for Not Doing Your Homework’ is released on 30th October 2014. Here’s the first, more to follow (…hopefully).
I’d like to introduce you to the newest, shiniest member of the 49… Series – ’49 Excuses for Not Doing Your Homework’ – available for pre-order now from Amazon, Kobo and Smashwords (and also B&N and iBooks soon). Inside you’ll find 49 […]
At 10:04pm last night I was putting the final touches to the first draft of my next eBook in the 49… Series. There’s still a long list of boring stuff to do before it can be published – editing, tweaking, proof reading, […]
I’ve been drawing in the early hours of the morning lately… with no socks on… and it’s been mega!! 20 drawings in 2 weeks. That works out as 1.42857 drawings a day. Which means that’s 20 out of 49 drawings ticked off […]
Small announcement everyone… I’m going on a writing break. It’s been a while since I’ve got some serious writing done, so I’ve set myself the ambitious task of taking on 3 writing projects. Here’s a closer look at each of them: Seaweed […]
Hello friends… Its a simple equation really… clever kid + fake doctors call + gullible parents = cookies! The eBook, from which this drawing is from (49 Ways to Steal the Cookie Jar), is still FREE! So take advantage of my generosity and download […]
Morning all… Slight change of plan as today is a Thursday, and so far I’ve been religiously posting cartoons every Monday and Friday. The reason for the break in tradition is fairly obvious of course – today is the European Parliament Voting […]
Morning… As you can probably guess you’re currently looking at the very first drawing I did for my eBook ’49 Excuses for Not Tidying Your Bedroom’. I’m sure you’ll agree I’ve come a long way since then (which was back in 2011… I think). […]
Good morning… and happy Friday! Being a husband to (a wonderful) Primary School Teacher this particular idea has been bubbling in my brain for months. I felt obligated to share my knowledge and handy tips with my fellow husbands/partners/housemates who live with a Primary School […]
Morning folks… I’m so excited to share this drawing with you. It makes me smile to think of a kids swinging a time piece and hypnotically staring into their parents eyes in the hope they’ll get a cookie. Definitely not my best suggestion to […]
Morning… I’m extremely glad Friday has arrived, partly because it means the weekend is around the corner, but mostly because I get to share another cartoon with you. I overheard one of these in the office I work in (number 5) while […]
Morning folks… I love this excuse from my cartoon eBook series, probably because I use to love Lego but mostly because this was one of the first 49 drawings that made it into the first eBook. Oh, and if you’re going to […]
Good morning to you… and thanks for dropping by. Friday has traditionally been the day that the Office Workers of the world find new ways to avoid work, thus beckoning the weekend closer. If you’re beginning to run out of ideas then I’ve come […]
Morning all… This is a little drawing I thought might cheer you up, and potentially get you some cookies. You’ll need: 3 cups, 5 arms, and 1 cheeky grin! It’s taken from my eBook ’49 Ways to Steal the Cookie Jar’ which is currently FREE at […]
Morning all… happy Friday! This drawing is for those of you who are getting ready to hop on a train to get to work this morning. My commute to work on my push bike is a little more breezy than it is for […]
This drawing is taken from one of my eBook’s called ’49 Excuses for Not Tidying your Bedroom’. We’ve all faced the parental glare because our bedrooms were untidy. But did you ever try this excuse?… If you did I’m guessing you probably […]
Hello world… happy Easter! I’ve decided to share my drawings with you. This one (as the title states) is for anyone brave enough to cook a roast dinner this Easter Sunday. Good luck, and well done in advance. I’ll be posting a drawing every […]