[Excuse for getting your parents to bake cookies for you]
Cookies are the answer to everlasting happiness.
Think about it . . . have you ever seen someone crying and eating a cookie at the same time? No, of course you haven’t. That’s because it’s impossible to be unhappy with a cookie in your hand.
Unfortunately adults imprison the answer to everlasting happiness in a jar and put it out of reach. So here are five ways to set the heavenly snack free.
#1 – Buy a Trampoline
The guy who invented the trampoline did so in his garage (but I’m fairly confident he did not test it in his garage unless he also invented the helmet). They were originally used to train astronauts and are now used for a variety of reasons including to change lightbulbs in sports halls, decorate really big christmas trees and help short people see over crowds.
Olympians can bounce over 9 metres high, so you should start practicing in case your parents decide to hide the cookie jar on the roof.
#2 – Become a Cookie Official
Did you know during World War 2 biscuits were rationed in the UK. That meant the government controlled how many biscuits you were allowed to eat.
I know, it must have been terrible!
#3 – Doctors Call
Back in the 19th century if you were having problems with digestion and complaining of bad gas then you would have been given a digestive biscuit. Yes, you heard me, doctors used to prescribe cookies!
Personally I’d like to go back to this marvelous brand of medicine – and add some of my own too:
- Spaghetti for a migraine
- Coca Cola for dehydration
- Marshmallows for clinical depression
- Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich for amnesia
- McDonald’s Big Mac for obesity
#4 – Home-Made Security Vault
Every household should have a cookie jar, just like every shady government should have their own security vault buried 100 feet below ground.
So, what makes a good cookie jar? The muscles in your jaw are the strongest in your body, your stomach acid will burn intruders alive and your tongue is the best security guard a cookie could hope for . . . need I say more?
#5 – Magic Trick
Street performers showcase this trick all over the world. They do it con tourists, so why not use it to con your parents! (And if you want to impress your friends and bet them the contents of their cookie jar, then learn the classic cup and balls trick.)
Thanks for reading . . . but wait.
You can find 44 more in my FREE cartoon eBook – 49 Ways to Steal the Cookie Jar. Simply click on the button below to grab your free copy and sign up to my mailing list.