Am I running late? Have you seen the time?
JUMPING JELLYBEANS! That can’t be right?! How did the clock jump forward so quickly?!? But I don’t even have any good excuses for being late (well, unless you carry on reading).
Don’t panic. Breathe. Here are five solid gold comebacks for when you hear the words “why are you late?”
#1. Ten Minute Silence
Breakfast death is no laughing matter. Anyone who has dropped a piece of toast on the floor or knocked a bowl of cereal off the table will feel a pang of grief reading this.
If someone close to you passes away (God forbid!) then you are given compassionate leave from work/school for 1-4 weeks. So why shouldn’t you be allowed 10 minutes compassionate leave for your jam on toast?
#2. Beauty Sleep
We all need to sleep. The bare minimum needed is 7.5 hours (preferably before midnight). A man called Randy Gardner holds the record for the longest amount of time without sleep. He stayed awake for 264 hours, that’s 11 days!
The scientists conducting the experiment could barely look at the sleep deprived man, let alone study pictures of him. Serves him right. That’s what happens when you go without sleep – you go ugly!
Don’t let it happen to you.
#3. Late Day
There’s a day for everything these days. Here’s some of the best:
- Bubble Bath Day
- Kiss a Ginger Day
- Dress Up Your Pets Day
- Rubber Duckie Day
- Earmuff Day
- Forgive Mum & Dad Day
- No Selfie Day
(And if you’re wondering – Be Late for Something Day is on 5th September).
#4. Lost My Glasses
If you’ve ever left the house without your glasses/contact lenses then you’ll understand. If not, imagine walking through a thick fog in socks made of vaseline and you’ll start to understand.
Of course, this excuse will only work if you actually have poor sight. However, if you’re willing to put the leg work in start wearing glasses so that 6 months down the line you’ll have the perfect excuse for being late.
#5. Little Miss Late
There are endless variations of this excuse to experiment with.
- Mr. Tickle – “I was tickling my sister at the local fair and got my arms stuck in a Farris Wheel.”
- Mr. Muddle – “Which school do I go to again?”
- Little Miss Sunshine – “Brighten up. At least I’m early for lunchtime.”
- Mr. Bump – “The wait time at A&E is getting worse every time I go”.
- Little Miss Tiny – “It took me ages to cross the road this morning. Have you seen how tiny my legs are?”
You can find 44 more excuses in my cartoon eBook – 49 Excuses for Being Really Late.
Disclaimer: reading this eBook will probably make you giggle, but won’t help you get away with lateness.