The Latest Addition to the 49… Series

Other Books by JW

I’d like to introduce you to the newest, shiniest member of the 49… Series – ’49 Excuses for Not Doing Your Homework’ – available for pre-order now from Amazon, Kobo and Smashwords (and also B&N and iBooks soon).

Inside you’ll find 49 drawings and 49 excuses (as per usual). I think I’ve really kick it up a notch this time; everything just feels better:

  • the illustrations are more daring than ever before
  • the ideas hit a new level of silliness/cheekiness
  • even the eBook production is more professional

There’s no point in pretending that the inspiration for this one was a strenuous process. All the ideas for these excuses came naturally thanks to 12 years of the British Educational System and the inability to remember my homework. I was a willing student. I did my homework (most of the time). Sometimes I even enjoyed it. The problem was my wonderfully written homework would sit on the desk in my bedroom because I had forgotten to put in my school bag.

So I hope that the end result (this collection of humourous excuses for forgetful kids like me) shows the added effort that went into this addition for my little cartoon eBook series. Most of all I hope everyone who opens it will enjoy it!

~~~Review Copies Available~~~

For the first time ever I’d like to give away some eBooks for honest reviews. It’s simple really… you let me know you’re interested… I’ll send you the eBook in the format of your choice for free… you read it… then review it online wherever you like!

If you’re interested please drop me an email – cjwarwood-at-hotmail-dot-com.

Sneak Peak: 49 Excuses for Not Doing Your Homework

At 10:04pm last night I was putting the final touches to the first draft of my next eBook in the 49… Series.

There’s still a long list of boring stuff to do before it can be published – editing, tweaking, proof reading, the all-important ‘wife’s approval’ – but I had to share a sneak peak with everyone. So here you go:

***If anyone is interested in doing a spot of proof reading please let me know as this is my kryptonite! Help would be greatly appreciated.***

Brain Freeze“Timmy’s brain has gone on vacation due to SBF Disease (severe brain freeze)… It has gone to the Bahamas to thaw off and unwind. Do not set him any homework until his brain has returned, unless the homework is to drool on a piece of paper .”

Pet Dog

“I didn’t forget my homework. Look… this my adorable pet dog called Homework. She needs constant attention, regular walks to the park, and food hourly. Otherwise she’ll become a raging monster and eat all the chairs!”

That’s all you’re getting for now folks.

Drawing With No Socks On!

I’ve been drawing in the early hours of the morning lately… with no socks on… and it’s been mega!!

20 drawings in 2 weeks.

That works out as 1.42857 drawings a day.

Which means that’s 20 out of 49 drawings ticked off my check list for my next eBook – 49 Excuses for Not Doing Your Homework. Check out the fruits below:

WP_20140824_007

This revelation brings me to ask the serious, and hopefully beneficial to fellow illustrators, question: why does drawing with your socks off boast productivity? Here’s some possible explanations:

  1. Cold laminate flooring against your naked feet has x4 the wake-up power compared to the traditional morning brew
  2. Cotton + foot sole + pencil = slow and lethargic squiggles and lots of rubbing out
  3. Sole + pencil + cold floor = fast and efficient pencil strokes with some nifty shading
  4. Do pencils wear socks?… I think not!
  5. Could foot freedom be directly linked to creativity?
  6. In order to be at ‘one’ with your pencil, you should be at ‘one’ with blah blah blah some spiritual lingo

I’d like to encourage you to join me in my morning experiment. Don’t suffocate your feet. Give them time to breathe before your working day starts and you might discover, like myself, that your mornings turn into something exciting.

Going on a Writing Break

Writing Break

Small announcement everyone… I’m going on a writing break.

It’s been a while since I’ve got some serious writing done, so I’ve set myself the ambitious task of taking on 3 writing projects. Here’s a closer look at each of them:

Seaweed and the Carrot Bandits:

Following on from my first children’s fiction book – The Grotty Spoon – will be this little cracker.

The main character (Seaweed) is a little campaigner for Energy Saving in a town where the average household owns 12 TV’s, 156 plug sockets, 3 cars, and one solitary energy saving light bulbs (usually found in the garage). The power hungry Mayor has big plans to build a huge Power Station that will feed the electricity greed of the town. Seaweed is the only one against it. Every campaign to stop the Power Station fails… until he joins a rogue terrorist group called the Carrot Bandits.

I’m really looking forward to sharing it with you all. It’s going to be really fun, extremely silly, and will actually feature a well-thought plot.

49 Excuses & 49 Questions:

These two books will follow on from the surprisingly successful first two in my cartoon series – 49 Excuses for Not Tidying Your Bedroom and 49 Ways to Steal the Cookie Jar.

It’ll be more of the same silliness alongside even sillier drawings. I’m not going to lie to you so I’ll tell you what I feel in my gut… these are going to be tough to finish but they’ll both be worth the effort.

Unfortunately I wouldn’t be able to keep up the momentum of churning out a cartoon every week. I’ll try my best to throw at least one your way every month but I can’t make any solid promises if I want to finish these 3 writing projects. Anyone who has made it this far into this post most certainly deserves a reward. So here’s a tiny snip-it from Seaweed and the Carrot Bandits:

“W-whoever y-you are I have a b-b-baseball b-bat and I’m not afraid t-to use it”, quivered a familiar voice.

Seaweed could smell the fear dripping from his pathetic father’s forehead (the very same man who once locked himself in the downstairs cupboard for several hours because a spider was sighted in the neighbour’s garden). The frightened voice spoke up with the authority and charisma of a door mat.

“I’m t-turning the light on now so you b-better start r-running.”

“I wouldn’t do that yet”.

“Why n-not”, quivered dad.

“You need to scare me some more before you switch the light on.”

“D-d-do I?”

“Well, I know you’re holding a baseball bat but you haven’t told me want you’re going to do with it yet. So come on, make me shake with fear.”

A short pause followed in which the faint sound of a squeaky hamster wheel drifted down the stairs.

“I’m a little out of p-practice at th-threatening b-b-burglars so if you could s-start me off I w-would be very g-g-grateful.”

“You know, ‘I’ll break both your kneecaps you little toerag’ or ‘you’ll never walk again after my baseball bat is through with you’. That kind of thing.”

“Oh r-right.”

He cleared his throat and dropped his vocal chords down a couple of semi-tones.

“Y-young man, you should have b-brought a w-w-wheel chair along for this r-robbery because I used to be in my schools r-rounder’s team and although I always m-missed the b-ball I had lots of p-practice at accidently w-whacking my sh-shins, and I can tell you they r-r-really h-hurt and would occasionally leave some very n-nasty bruises.”

If it wasn’t so dark in that hallway you would’ve seen Mr. and Mrs. Tumbleweed and their seven children rolling between Seaweed and his dad on their way to the annual awards ceremony for the best family tumbleweed act.

“You’re not very good at this are you?”

“It’s the n-nerves talking, give m-me another g-go.”

“I think you’ve just missed your chance.”

“Please s-sir. I know I c-can do b-better. You’ll be s-shaking in your b-b-boot this time.”

Seaweed could never miss an opportunity for a good chuckle, which with a father as feeble as his was an hourly occasion.

“Ok bozo, but let me give you a few tips first.”

“Th-th-thank you s-sir.”

“Never, ever thank a burglar! Slap yourself hard in the face.”

SLAP. “I feel b-better already, a-anything else.”

“Keep your threats short and snappy, don’t babble on and on like a Geography Teacher. In fact I have a better idea, a man of your appearance should play to his strengths so forget talking altogether and act like an angry Orangutan.”

“Right, I m-mean… Ook.”